This month, I've been working at the same place for exactly four years. It wasn't my dream job to be honest. The experience is great. I developed many skills I did not earlier possess. My colleagues and manager became kind of dependent on me. The salary is terrible for the amount of work I am doing, but I do not have the balls to ask for more. It feels greedy and ungrateful even though I know it's not. Asking for a promotion or raise is something I've always found weird. Shouldn't good behavior or high production be rewarded without having to ask?
As a kid, I always dreamt about becoming a police officer. When I was young, I did a similar study to prepare me for the academy. I passed all my tests; mental health, intelligence, endurance, etc. But unfortunately, it wasn't enough. During the roll-playing tests, I wasn't strict enough. I had to fine someone, but I took the time and liberty to listen to the suspect his story. That was not what they wanted to see.. I re-applied two years later, but I got rejected for the exact same reason.
Plan B had to be executed. I needed a job, so I could buy a house at some point and move out of my parents house. I did have a job at that moment, I was working in mental healthcare. As I was practically a prison guard, enforcing their sentence of obligated mental healthcare, I only had a parttime contract. Within that company, I was looking for a departement where they could offer me a fulltime contract, and I ended up in the place I am working right now. Starting with a study at the university of applied sciences was part of my contract. I started, but after getting my propaedeutic certificate my personal circumstances changed. You already know I also have been diagnosed with ADD. Concentration and motivation disappeared. I couldn't continue. Now, I am a knowledgeable employee with a lot of experience but without a degree. It puts me in a difficult position. I know I could still get my degree if I really, really wanted to.
Unfortunately, I don't think I really want to..
Which career path suits me? This would be the perfect timing to switch.. What do I want to do? I know I want to make my hobby into a job, which is working with computers. I just don't know what I want to do for eight hours a day, forty hours per week. Hectic environments are kind of what I got used to the last couple of years.. Would I be able to stick to a desk job? Even if it were my own desk? It would be my first time.
A few days after writing the above, my manager asked my what I imagined my future would look like. I told her that I honestly have no idea yet. She asked me if I wanted to work in this field, if I were happy. I told her that I am good at what I do. I do not know where I see myself in a few years because I try to stabilize my current situation. Too much has happened in the past few years in my private life. I need to seriously think about what I want. She respected that. She also said that she respected how I've handled everything that crossed my path lately. The validation felt nice.
Being completely honest with my superior felt a little strange at the beginning. These are not the kind of things one might tell. Honestly I feel ready for any kind of change in my career path. There's no rush though. If I keep doing what I do for a little while longer, I don't really mind. They grew dependent on me, which makes me feel like I'm in the safe zone and I can speak my mind. All I have to do is to continue, whether it's with my current job or something completely different.