As you might've read, a while a go my function within the organisation changed. Currently I'm involved with administrative work and advisement within the departement. Office hours, my own workspace and a coffee machine nearby. It's quite the difference. No longer do I work with a team, but with a direct colleague and managers. All of a sudden, more of me is expected. Responsibilities and deadlines, keeping the place running.
Evening and nightshifts were my favourite. It was a more relaxed pace, with a more relaxed team. The difference was literally night and day, and I'm a night person. Getting used to the 'normal' life is harder than I expected. While my SO is still working irregular hours, we see each other at random. Although office hours are way easier to combine with being a parent, it does not fit my personality. Working more on the computer is fine, computers are my thing. But there's a certain emptiness that comes with working solo inside an office.
Don't get me wrong, I longed for that emptiness. At some point I could no longer stand all the people and noises around me, and I'm happy I can now shield myself from it. And it's not company that I'm missing, it's the old lifestyle. People have always said that I was way more mature than other people of my age. In fact, it's one of the reasons my SO likes me. I do miss childhood. Less responsibilities, less stress and no adult problems.
My SO and I are both partners and best friends. Unfortunately I never met her as a kid, but I'm one hundred percent sure it would've been so much fun if we did. All my life experiences have made me the person I am today. Without those experiences, I would probably be way too immature to maintain a relationship. I am both happy and sad about the time we met. It's very contra-dictionary.
It's time for me to decide what I want from my career. All-in-all I'm happy with my new position, and I wouldn't want to trade it back. The departement is also not what it used to be, so I wouldn't be happy to rejoin the team either. I've always liked computer work. Never did I finish a study, which leaves me without a degree. There's always this doubt nobody would even consider me because of that reason. I mean.. What do I have to offer, besides my experience and my word? I assume that in this day and age, it's not going to be enough.
So what can I do? I can start a study again. But which one? 'Something with computers' is not really specific. 'Being able to work in the evening, at night and/or at home' is also not going to help me pick the right study. Payment has to be good. At least better than what I'm earning now, but that shouldn't be too hard. I am a creative thinker, but unable to draw well or play an instrument. My job has to have meaning. And what I'm doing right now is exhausting and boring, but at least it has meaning.
Anyways.. A lot to think about for the years to come. Life continues, and I should too.