• Nastavi


Ritalin, dexamphetamine, Concerta, Adderall. Not sure if there are more medicine for ADD than this. I've tried the first three, the last one is not common in my country. I've used Ritalin the most. I felt like it helped me when I was young.

I started around the age of 15. I was in my second year of high school and I noticed that I had way more trouble concentrating than my classmates. In my country, there are different levels of difficulty in highschool. Let's say on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the easiest and 10 being the hardest, I did level 4. Shouldn't be that hard right? Well.. it was.

Intelligence was not the issue; my IQ score was slightly higher than average for that age, and I was able to remember everything I was personally interested in. But when something was boring, that's when the trouble started. Reading was something I disliked, almost hated. It's probably common amongst people with ADD to dislike reading. Even though my imagination and fantasy were great, I just couldn't manage to remember anything I read. Being easily distracted discouraged me to even try. I ended up in a vicious circle.

Attention Deficit Disorder was the diagnosis the psychiatrist gave me. I started taking a low dosis of Ritalin. I did not notice much in the beginning. After a few weeks I took the highest dosis allowed at my age. That's when I started noticing something.

At the time I did not realize what was happening to my brain. I stopped intuitively shaking my legs and I was more quit. People around me said I looked sedated. My emotional side became less and less obvious. Focussing improved, but reading was still not a habit of mine.

Later I realized that my phisical growth, my length, stagnated. At exactly 180 centimeters, I never grew taller. I was around the age of 16 at the time. I come from a family of tall people. My little brother surpassed my length.

With every study I struggled. And I would love to tell you that I did not give up even though I was having a hard time. But I did give up. Multiple times. Failing was painful for me. I felt like a loser when couldn't even manage to finish an easy study. In the beginning of the study I was very enthousiastic and motivated, but after a shirt while, this seemed to completely disappear. I lost my purpose to continue.

Years later I finished a relatively easy study. After that, I went to a university. Everything seemed to go well, but as my private life became more difficult, so did my study. It felt like my medication was letting me down. It felt like I was letting myself down. My doctor recommended me to start trying something that suits me better. So I started with Concerta. A pill I would only have to take at breakfast, instead of 3 to 6 per day. It sounded great. I tried it for a few months. In the beginning it felt exactly the same as the first time I took the right dosage of Ritalin. But after a month or two, the effect was gone.

That's when I started with dexamphetamine. I read about Adderall online. It was a popular drug in America, but not widely used here in western Europe. Also, it was not covered by my health insurance. It was pricy, but worth it.

The effect is different for me. When I take it, I don't feel sedated. It works a little bit longer than Ritalin, and the effect doesn't suddenly stop after a few hours, but remains present in a weaker form. For the first time in years I felt good about the medication I was taking. No side effects apart from not being hungry at all. Good thing I'm a little overweight.

I do not feel motivated enough yet to start with a new, or my old study. As long as my private life is still a mess, I know that I will not be able achieve what I wish. I decided to take it slow and follow my guts.

If I'm ever ready, I'll continue with my intellectual development. Nastavi.

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