• Nastavi

Otaku

Back in the days, I used to watch tons of anime. The regulars like Dragonball Z and Pokemon (till the second season), but also quite a lot of drama. I watched as much as I played games, locked up in my room and isolated from the big scary outside world. I was at peace. At the beginning of my adolescence I was probably exposed to way too many emotional and weird videos. I can't help but feel it contributed to who I am today.


I dare to say anime goes a little deeper than most regular Hollywood movies. The foreign language and culture is what drew me in; the unexpected impact of certain scenes and the correlation to my own life is what kept me. After each ending of a season I felt an emptiness that I tried to fill with a recommended, similar anime. I started reading manga, studied Japanese by myself, and to this day, I can still understand the subject of very basic sentences and read a little bit of the easiest alphabet (they have three). Fellow anime fans called me an otaku sometimes. Which used to be a swear word by the way. But it quickly became a bragging right and it felt quite good to be called one.


Experiencing both utopias and dystopias touched my soft spot. I became a little addicted. Unfortunately it all ended abruptly without a reason.. Some Japanese songs are still stuck in my head, and I can sing them flawlessly. I'd like to share two with you if that is OK. The anime was weird, but the songs are still able to bring tears to my eye.


The lyrics are translated from Japanese:

I have always walked alone. When I looked back, everyone was faraway.. Even so, I kept walking. That was my strength. "I'm not afraid of anything anymore", I muttered to myself.. Everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only. I fight so that I will be able to love and laugh despite of the loneliness. I won't show my tears..


The anime is about the effect of death and losing people around you. It's about strength and loneliness; dealing with emotions and doing what's best, even though it might be the hardest thing you ever have to do. If nothing affects you, nothing can hurt you. After death, nothing does matter, not even the life you lived. Keeping in mind that one day, you'll be reunited with the people you loved. And at that moment, you do not have to be strong anymore. At that moment, it's OK to discharge all the feelings you've been hiding during your time alive.


Now, I'm not sure if that's the way to deal with negative emotions. It sure is a way to cope during tough times in your life. I tried, but I couldn't persist. You never know when you will discharge. It can be days, weeks, months or even years. When it's too much, there's no holding back. If it is sadness, I guess it is fine. If it is anger, you have to try your hardest to not direct it at someone who is trying to help you or someone you love. Because you'll never forgive yourself for that.



This previous song is a summary of the anime overall. The next song I'd like to talk about goes a little bit deeper. It's about saying goodbye to the one you love, right before you die. About the transition between life and afterlife. Both the good and the bad moments you had together matter, and she tries her hardest to bring these treasures to a place he cannot go to yet.


If we see each other’s faces, we always fight. That’s a good memory too.

You taught me so much; I'm not afraid anymore.

No matter what impairment I may have, I can grasp happiness. That's why,

Even if I’m alone, I’ll go, even if it’s difficult. I’ll definitely bring the dream I had with you. I’m glad it was with you, and nobody else. But when I woke up in the morning, you weren’t there.


Even the artist singing this isn't able to keep it dry on stage. Who can blame her. She might've experienced something similar.. I hope that I'll never ever have to experience this.. ever.. the thought alone makes my heart ache.



There are some anime that made me feel the same as this one, but this one stood out for me. The anime itself was a little weird honestly; it's the meaning behind it that made it interesting. Anime contributed to who I am today. There's a lot of stigma around Japanese cartoons, and I hope that I may have taken some away for you. Sure there are anime that are trash, but the same goes for some movies or books. Not all can be good.


Thank you for reading this. Sharing this uncommon old habit is hard for me sometimes. Maybe, one day, I'll start watching some new anime again. I want to continue discovering hidden treasures.


- Nastavi

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