• Nastavi

Surroundings

Like a child, I would refuse any kind of help from both professionals as the people around me. No one would be able to help or understand me anyway. Elegantly I ceased every conversation that was heading in this direction. Everyone got their own shit to deal with, and I'm nothing special. I will take care of myself, by myself. Also known is a famous quote from Toph in Avatar the last airbender. You might not know but in this television show, there was this wise old man who responded to her statement. He said: "You sound like my nephew, always thinking you need to do things on your own, without anyone's support. There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.". And maybe he's right.. but letting people help you still feels like a weakness.


But it doesn't matter whether I look weak or not. Frankly, individuals in general do not really matter. And sooner or later, you won't be able to refuse that help, whether you like it or not. If shit keeps piling up on your shoulders, at some point you'll pull your back. And you won't be able to stand up without someone offering you a hand. Stuck with my pride and stubbornness, I had no choice but to accept the help that was offered to me.


Someone I know said that help comes in many ways, and sometimes differs a lot from what you might think. When you are struggling with anxiety or depression, or your mind is so cluttered that you cannot even comprehend what's going on inside that brain of yours, help can be anything. From someone offering to listen to what you have to say, to someone who offers to help you fold your laundry because you cannot get yourself to do it. Why refuse? They offered it, they don't want anything in return, so why the hell did I refuse for so long? I'm sure it was my huge and worthless ego.


An ego is not going to help you get up while you're carrying a ton of shit with you. In contrary, it's just another burden. I'm not telling you to set aside your ego and accept all the help you get offered. You and I both know that you're not gonna listen to someone you don't know, on the internet. But maybe this post will be the heads-up you need. Inevitably, a moment will come where you have no other choice but to accept. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. If I were to continue down this path, I guess that after five more years, help would've become been mandatory. With psychiatrists ignoring me, institutionalised and sedated by medication.


You see my point. Don't let it come to that. All things will pass. Just accept the help, even if its someone offering you a meal. Hopefully, you still have a long life ahead of you. Life is too damn short to refuse help. Just continue until you get out and the shit you carry, will drop off your shoulders piece by piece.


- Nastavi

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