• Nastavi


Lately I've been getting therapy in order to cope with my stress and emotional instability. My thoughts are so stuck in my head sometimes, it is impossible for me to regain my focus or mood. Getting sucked into a a grey mist and not being able to get out. My ADHD medication and homeopathic products don't seem to work at all anymore. Back in the day it worked like a charm, but it seems a trauma can destroy more than you realise.

He gave me some advise. A few things I need to try out, and we will evaluate my progress after two weeks. Here's wat he wants me to do:

First, whenever I seem to be stuck in my thoughts, I need to write down the time, duration and subject of this disruptive thought. This way, I should be able to get a clear view on what's on my mind, it's relevance, and think about solutions when I'm feeling happier than average. I told him it's gonna be a difficult task, because I tend to forget a lot of things. Also it's hard to put my thoughts into words when so much is crossing my mind. Even so, I need to make my thoughts tangible.

Secondly, I do not exercise enough. Both my mind and body are full of energy that is unable to escape. Finding an outlet, like working out, will help me to put my mind to rest and get a clear view. It's important I take better care of myself. While this all sounds great on paper, in reality my thoughts are more exhausting than physical work. By the time I feel an opening to start working out, I'm already drained to the core. He added that muscle training or jogging aren't the only ways to exercise. Even a walk to the park can contribute to my feeling of wellbeing. After picking up my child, I should immediately add a walk. Also exercising before work could be a good idea. Can't wait to try to get up even earlier! Joking aside, I really want to see if I am capable of doing this.

Third, I have to address the fact my medication is not working as well as before with my general practitioner. As this is not his field of expertise, I am a little hesitant to mention this. He might refer me to a psychiatrist, and I do not wish to be documented in those files. It might work against me, career wise. Even if my privacy is protected, I still hesitate. While already taking quite a lot of strong medicine for my skin condition, I don't want to be switching medication too much too often either. Nevertheless, It's my responsibility to mention complications with medication, even if it is circumstantial.

And last but not least, I should no longer procrastinate important (legal) matters. The longer I wait, the bigger the barrier. When I got asked what the barrier might be, I could not really answer because I did not really know. It just is. I know that the sooner I stop procrastinating, the sooner I'll be done with all the sh*t that's happening right now. Ever since I was a little kid, I've always procrastinated everything. It became part of my personality. I want to change that and I'll try my best. Right after this advice I took care of business and now the waiting game begins once again.

For two weeks I'll try everything mentioned above. I wonder how it goes. After my next meeting with my therapist, I'll write down how it went.

- Nastavi

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